Showing posts with label The Norma Desmond Chronicles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Norma Desmond Chronicles. Show all posts

Friday, December 30, 2011

NORMA'S "NEW" NEW YEAR'S EVE

The sixth and final chapter of the Norma Desmond Chronicles. Norma got off on a temporary insanity plea, did a short stint in a spa-like psych center and is now free in Hollywood. She's back and better than ever!

New Year's Eve was the start of a horrible mess;
A grave misunderstanding at Norma's Sunset address.
But time and therapy heals all psychosis;
And hypnosis cures all of those other diagnoses
Max and Norma were alone at last;
Finally, they could be together and forget the past.
Norma knew Hollywood could be a heartless old town;
And Max had stood by her through the up and the down.
No need now for monkeys or boys with big bills;
No need for sharp razors or too many pills.
The movies and cameras belonged to the past;
The future was Norma's and her fortune was vast.
Oil fields pumping and pumping, Norma was wealthy!
And dowtown real estate made that bank account healthy!
Max was her man now and on this New Year's Eve,
Maxie appeared to have something grand up his sleeve!
The orchestra played,the tiles were waxed;
No memory of Joe (that broken down hack)
Speaking of wax, the "works" weren't invited;
Max was too hopeful and much too excited.
A serenade for Madame and for her dainty hand;
A diamond that symbolized a passion so grand.
Max opened his heart and his love he disclosed
to Norma, his star, and again he proposed.
And Norma said "yes," she just couldn't believe
that her dreams could come true on this fine New Year's Eve.
Did they live happily ever after? Of course they did!


And, so ends the Norma Desmond chronicles.
Wishing you and Norma and Max, and hell, even the monkey, a very Happy New Year! I have a feeling 2012 is going to be great!


For Norma's entire story (post shooting) see below:
Chapter 1: Norma's New Year's Eve
Chapter 2: Norma Desmond: What Next?
Chapter 3: Big Star Meets Small Screen
Chapter 4: Max Makes His Move!
Chapter 5: Norma's Halloween Seance

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Norma Desmond Chronicles: Norma's Halloween Seance

Hollywood's Busiest Medium: Madame Crackpotski

Chapter 5 of the Norma Desmond Chronicles.
Norma got off on a temporary insanity plea, did a short stint in a spa-like psych center and is now free in Hollywood. She's back and better than ever!

The last time we saw Norma, she was just beginning to get her life back together. She and Max were starring in the successful sitcom, "Max and Madame," the Hollywood community had embraced her, her fans had returned and Max (whose carpal tunnel syndrome had healed since he no longer had to write bogus fan letters) was getting closer to making his big romantic move. All of Norma's stars were aligned when word reached her that Joe Gillis was making appearances at seances all over town and was trashing her.

The old Norma would have been thrown by this and might have either reached for the gun or the razor, but the old Norma was dead. The new Norma decided to fight fire with fire and face her demons head on.

"Max! We will have a Halloween seance right here at Sunset Boulevard and invite Joe to tell his story to my face!"
Norma envisions a Hollywood-style seance.....
While Max did not relish the thought of Joe Gillis returning to the house - dead or alive - he acquiesced. After all, once Norma got a notion in her head there was no stopping her. He hired Hollywood's most expensive psychic medium, Madame Crackpotski, to conduct communication with the other side.

Norma assembled an "A" list guest list for her seance:
Mr. Sheldrake
Nervous that Joe Gillis would find out that "Bases Loaded" was
being made as a Betty Hutton
Naturally, the Waxworks
Buster wouldn't have "passed" up this opportunity!
HB Warner made sure he brought his own ashtray - just in case
Anna Q. Nilsson was curious. She never liked Joe.


Joan Crawford
Norma's BFF
Cary Grant
Well, Norma wasn't dead
Orson Wells
Orson knew his way around a magic act
Bogey and Bacall
Hollywood's most popular couple. Norma could use their support.
Billy Wilder
Billy had invited himself. He was VERY interested in this story.

Garbo was invited, but declined.
"Miss Garbo respectfully and regretfully declines your invitation."

Valentino was invited from the other side.
Not too concerned about Joe Gillis, but curious to see if the tiles were still tango-worthy
And - the most important guests of all: Hedda Hopper and Louella Parsons.
Norma was counting on these two blabber-mouths to set the record straight.
Word of Norma's seance spread all over town, and crowds of the curious, well-wishers and friends of Joe Gillis eagerly awaited the results.

As the guests settled in and held hands around the table, Madame Crackpotski made contact with the departed Joe. Here is an exclusive transcript of what transpired:

Madame Crackpotski (Aka MC): Joe Gillis. Come in Joe Gillis...
(the table levitates and an icy wind blows through the room as the organ wheezes).
Joe (through MC): it's me folks! I'm here.
Norma: Joe, Joe - why are you lying, saying that I killed you over Betty Schaeffer? Tell the truth Joe, tell the truth!
Joe: Sorry, Norma, but Sheldrake needs a good story, not the truth. I wanted to sell him the Bases Loaded story, but he just wouldn't budge. I was desperate!
Sheldrake: It was all Betty Schaeffer's fault! She said your stories were no good!
Norma: Joe, you didn't leave without the platinum cigarette case and the vicuna coat. You took them all, and my diamond tiara, and, on the way out, you threatened me with a gun. You lied and you stole from me and I shot you in self defense!
Joe: Sorry, Norma, I didn't want to look as though I was in it for the money. And besides, Betty wanted the tiara. She wanted the monkey, too, for some reason, but I didn't feel like digging him up. Norma, I guess I had it coming. 
Norma: Thank you, Joe.
Joe: Say hello to Max.....and thank him for all of the cocktails. Well, folks, goodbye. I've got a sweet deal of a story lined up. This town hasn't heard the last of Joe Gillis.I'm going to sell a story to Paramount even if it kills me. Oops - it already did!
Another cold wind blew through the room and Madame Crackpostki fell into a heap on the floor. Joe was gone and Norma was vindicated (sort of). Everyone congratulated Norma, who was positively glowing. Louella and Hedda promised to tell her story to the world and to CB De Mille.
CB will surely call now!
Max was happy for Norma, but he noticed that Billy Wilder had left early. Just what was he up to?
Keeping a watchful eye over Norma
To be continued...
Stay tuned for the final entry of "The Norma Desmond Chronicles."

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Max Makes His Move!

Chapter 4 of the Norma Desmond Chronicles.
Norma got off on a temporary insanity plea, did a short stint in a spa-like psych center and is now free in Hollywood. She's back and better than ever!


Max Von Myerling has loved Norma Desmond for as long as he can remember.
The Object of His Affection
As a young director from Vienna, he was quite a ladies man. One of the young Hollywood's directors who showed promise in the early days (along with D.W. Griffith and C.B. DeMille), Max had his pick of all of the Hollywood starlets and played the field with gusto. He had no intention of settling  down.
Max Before Norma: A Young Man Sows His Wild Oats
But once Norma Desmond walked onto his set, he was struck by cupid's arrow and became a man enslaved by love. From that moment on, his passion for that little 5 foot bundle of dynamite ruled his life.

Through a turbulant marriage, infidelities, divorce, Norma's 2 other husbands, career decline, depression, murder, dead monkeys and delusion, Max endured all of the humiliation heaped upon him just to be close to Norma. He knew that underneath the demanding diva his sweet Norma was still there, the Norma before she started believing Paramount's publicity.
"Max and Madame" - The Hit of the Fall Season!
Now that their little sitcom, "Max and Madame", was a hit, life seemed to be once again smiling on Norma and Max. Both he and Norma had finally been accepted back on the "A" list. Invitations to parties and premiers poured in. Best of all, Norma was happy.

To Max, she has never seemed more beautiful and he knew that if ever he was going to make his move to get back into the "Bedroom of the Husbands" and his proper place in Norma's heart, now was the time.
Healthy Body, Healthy Mind!
Max had it all planned and was sure he could execute his plan flawlessly.

Step 1: Tell Norma how beautiful she looked (and she did). His heart skipped a beat whenever he saw her.
Flattery Always Softened Her Up!
Step 2: A dinner for 2 at the Brown Derby, Norma's favorite place to dine.
Where the Famous Go to Dine and to be Seen!
Step 3: Pull up in the Isotta-Fraschini. Real people asking Norma for autograph were  sure to be outside (Max is so glad he no longer has to write those letters).
Norma Still Rides in the Back Seat
Step 4: An impromptu visit by friends Tallulah Bankhead and Carol Channing brightened the evening and the champagne and martinis flowed.
Norma Had Such a Good Time She Wore the Center Piece in Her Hair!
After a few glasses of the bubbly, the old Norma reappeared. Max knew the moment had come - that it was now or never!

He shooed the friends away and they were alone at last. His heart was pounding! But, just as Max leaned over the shrimp cocktail to whisper sweet words of love in Norma's little ear, the waiter brought a telephone over to the table.

Before Norma picked up the receiver, she felt a chill run down her spine. It was as if someone was watching her, someone from beyond...
Ghosts at the Brown Derby?
Norma had received an urgent call from her psychic astrologer. It seems that Dead Joe Gillis had been talking and spreading lies! He'd been telling his story from the grave and appearing at seances all over Hollywood and telling anyone who will listen that he was seduced by Norma and made a gigolo by her and that she is mad and dangerous!
Dead Men Do Tell Tales!
Norma put the receiver back in place very slowly. "Max. Take me home. Now."

Max heaved a heavy sigh and pulled on his white gloves. He knew the moment had passed. All of the Hollywood "A" listers payed attention to the messages received at seances. His toothbrush would not be placed in the "Bedroom of the Husbands" tonight.

To be Continued...

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Norma Desmond: Big Star Meets Small Screen. Chapter 3 of the Norma Desmond Chonicles

Norma got off on a temporary insanity plea, did a short stint in a spa-like psych center and is now free in Hollywood. She's back and better than ever!

At last, Norma was ready to get out of that Sunset mansion and back into the limelight! She had secured an ad endorsement with Abdullah Cigarettes and the public reaction was positive. People commented on how young and lovely Norma still looked and were curious about her next move. But Norma had to admit to herself that she was no longer young enough to play "Salome" (the treatments had worked!). Still, she hoped Paramount would call.

Max had a plan.

 While Norma was away at the asylum, Max was able to make ends meet by getting a job as a television director. He explained his long absence from behind the camera by telling everyone he had been running a catering service ("New Year's Eve and Bridge Parties a Specialty"). Max first got his feet wet with some commercials and then a sitcom featuring a chimp (life can sometimes be cruel). Maybe he could get Madame a job in TV, too?
However, Max knew that the microphone was not yet Norma's friend. She needed to speak to the public as herself before she could play another character again. So, Max got Norma booked on various interview and game shows.

Norma tells her story to her still-devoted public
Norma guests on "What's My Line"
Norma, pro that she was, proved to be a hit wherever she went. Max felt that she was ready to take that next step. A local TV station came up with an idea for a sitcom - Max and Madame.

The Premise of "Max and Madame"
Madame is a retired  Broadway Diva who comes to Hollywood to star in a television show. She hires a butler named Max, who used to be a great silent film director. As Madame attends various social events and hobnobs with Hollywood society, Max attends to her needs, all the while slipping out of the house to direct a TV show about a butler who moonlights as a director.

The Nosy Neighbors
All sitcoms need nosy neighbors. Norma and Max asked some of her old friends to give her a hand.
Max asked Garbo, but she wasn't interested
Norma asked a glittering gallery of chums if they would like to assist, and some said they would be happy to lend Norma a hand.
Jolson, Pickford, Cantor and Colman all said "yes."
Chaplin was out of the country.Schenk & Goldwyn demurred and Doug was dead

The Wacky Adventures of Max and Madame
Madame sunbathes in leopard
Madame will be involved in many wacky escapades, always ending in Max making things right. Each episode will end in Madame yelling "MAX!"to get her out of trouble and Max, no matter where he is or what he is doing will come to her aid.
There was no doubt Norma could handle comedy
Norma was understandably a little nervous taking on such a commitment, and insisted that Max direct as well as act. Knowing that Max was behind the camera and in front of it with her put her at ease. Working with Max again like this, seeing him in control again, gave Norma a thrill she had not felt for some time. She looked at him in a new light that was an old light.


As for Max, he was hoping to get back into the bedroom of the husbands...


Max Von Myerling: Back behind the camera, in front of it
and in Norma's heart
Coming soon:
Max Makes His Move!