Sunset Boulevard: But What about the Monkey?

No, I don't think he committed suicide.....

I can’t help it. I want to know more about Norma Desmond’s monkey.

Monkey, we hardly knew you.....

Oh sure, we know he’s dead, and that he serves as the plot device to get Joe Gillis into Norma’s cage, but, really, who was he? Was he, as Joe guesses, a distant relative of Cheetah? What was his name? Was he a movie star? Was he rescued from a circus? How did he and Norma meet? Was he even a “he”? After all, she did want to line the coffin in pink.

Yeah, yeah, he’s the crystal ball into which Joe can see his future – becoming Norma’s new monkey (remember that dream he has about the organ grinder and the monkey?). But, I’d really like to know more about him. Did he like bananas for breakfast? Was he a clever and urbane conversationalist? Was he able to mix Norma’s favorite cocktail? Did he and Max get along? Did he have a smoking jacket?

Could Monkey hold his liquor?

Like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, the monkey moves the plot along. But unlike those serviceable characters that are expendable, the monkey is missed. 

Did Monkey help Norma with Salome?

Imagine if he had lived! He could have advised Joe NOT to get the vicuna. And, he might have helped Joe keep his clandestine meetings with a little more discrete. Even better, he might have helped Joe escape (after helping him punch up Norma’s Salome).

The New Year's Eve before the end,,,,,,,

I imagine that chimp being quite extraordinary in all ways. Norma was a great star who had great demands (3 husbands!) And yet, she mourned that monkey. His death left a hole in the happy little threesome that we never got to see.

Monkey had refined table manners,
which I'm sure Norma and Max appreciated

Billy Wilder reportedly kept telling Gloria Swanson that Norma was doing the monkey, but I’m not buying it. I picture the monkey as more of an Oscar Wilde type – witty, charming and possibly gay. Written in the margins of Sunset Boulevard’s main story is the story of an unnamed monkey who died in luxury but whose life remains a mystery.

Norma in her monkey fur coat. Could this have been a relative?

Norma Desmond & Lina Lamont: Silent Sweeties on the Town!

Your intrepid Hollywood reporter Dora Bailey here reporting on the latest sightings in tinsel town!

What 2 silent sweeties have become BFFs and have formed what some might call an unholy alliance? Our sources tell us that former greats and current cougars Norma Desmond and Lina Lamont (you remember them, don’t you?) are joining forces and are planning to stage a double-pronged comeback.

Word on the boulevard is that Norma is penning an epic version of “Salome” for CB DeMille's eyes only, while Lina is angling for a star turn as Marie Antoinette. Norma and Lina have been spotted together around town shopping and lunching, always with their precious little heads together in a conspiratorial huddle. Norma has stormed the gates of Paramount and Lina as been sniffing around MGM (that other Norma better watch out).

Lina Lamont: longing to tell them to eat cake

Norma as Salome: is that a studio
exec's head on that platter?

Can the ladies make a comeback? We hear that Norma hates that word and prefers “return, but no matter how you word it, the question remains: will the movie-going pubic will take these 2 former divas of silent emotion back into their hearts? After all, it is a new world. 

Lina & Norma face their fears

Talkies Ain't For Sissies

The boys and girls of today's silver screen not only have to act, but speak, as well. Our sources confirm that Norma has an excellent speaking voice. Her challenge will be to shed the drama queen image of the silent era. Fans today like their stars more down to earth. Word is that our Miss Norma actually believed all of that publicity (can you imagine?). But, we hear she has a younger writer helping her whip that "Salome" script into shape. Let's hope he can steer La Desmond into modern times.

Norma and her writer work on the script.

Lina's voice may be more problematical and maybe, just maybe, the role of Marie Antoinette might not be the right return vehicle for her (especially if it is a musical). True, she looks gorgeous in period costumes, but unless Marie was born in the Bowery, it might be hard for the public to accept her as the French queen of opulence. And since the collapse of Monumental Pictures, Lina may have some difficulty finding another studio to call home.

Lina works the MGM executives and angles for a good part

Our humble suggestions:

Norma: Darling, try to remember that you are an actress first and a star second and maybe you and that script writer if yours can convince Paramount to take a chance on you.

Lina: Honey, your fortune may well rest in comedy. There can never be enough zany blondes and we all know that you can take a pie in the kisser!

All we can say is – good luck ladies and we who once worshiped you wish you the greatest success! We'll be watching. Until next time, this is Dora Bailey from the streets of Tinsel Town!

Paramount & MGM: Watch out!

" I caaaaaaaaaaaaaan't wait to see my new movie!!"

* For those who still hold Lina Lamont dear to their heart, her fan club is still out there, refusing to let her be forgotten. For more info, click here.