Crying at the Movies

This is my entry in the Classic Movie Blog Association Cry Me A River Tearjerkers Blogathon. Click HERE for more weepies - and don't forget to bring a hanky.

So, here's my story.

I was walking down a dark street of the soul when James Cagney grabbed my hand and pulled me into the light. He did this not once, at least twice, and maybe a few more times that I can’t specifically recall.

The last time this happened was a month or so ago at a screening of "Ragtime." Of course, it wasn’t the real and long-dead James Cagney. No, it was the glittering, electric, oh so alluring silver screen shadow Cagney. The one that never dies.

The first time this happened was when I was 12. Oh gosh, I loved that adolescent girl, standing on the brink, thinking and believing everything she desired was possible. Time was an unending runway. Like a cattle brand, those first and early passions that rise past mere wants were imprinted in me. And even now, after the slow, sometimes dreary, sometimes wonderful blink of an eye that passes for life I can rub my figurative finger over my true self and still feel the faint impressions of that brand.

Funny. We seem to spend the first part of our life developing an armor against hurt and then the remainder peeling away that armor in search of our authentic emotional self. This leaves a tender spot, and as a consequence, we cry a lot. And not just over sad things. Which brings me to this little clip, the closing credits of 1984's "All of Me."

Cute, right? Yet, every time I see it, I start to sob real tears. But all tears are not an expression of sorrow or hurt. At this point in my life, those emotions bring a frown and something in my chest that feels like heartbreak. Now it is joy and beauty that elicit those tears. Steve Martin and Lily Tomlin are pure joy, happiness, unbridled silliness -a great and beautiful thing. 

I've been writing about movies for quite some time now. I'm not much of a reviewer. I like to explore the emotional experience of watching a particular film, which brings me to "Ragtime." Cagney was 82 at the time that movie and his role was small, yet the sight of him made me cry. I cried not because he was so changed from the way he looked in his prime. No, I cried because in his face on the screen I saw all of the history and stories I had written on my heart tangled up with his cinematic history and how grand a ruin he appeared and how raw and real I felt in my seat, in the dark, deep in rapture, crying and filled with joy.